


Kat Joans is not my lover.

by lizibabes



Series: Hurt/Comfort Bingo [6]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Swearing, sex.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-26
Updated: 2011-12-26
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:11:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the Unexpected pregnancy square on my H/C Bingo card. After dancing around each other for months Tommy and Adam are finally getting together, That is until out of the blue a girl claims Tommy got her pregnant. No one seems to believe he never even slept with the girl apart from Adam briefly, but then he starts pulling away to and Tommy doesn't know what to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kat Joans is not my lover.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.   
> angsty and long, I tried to not make this predictable and it's a lot different to anything I've written so far so I hope it turns out ok. Also not trying to bash anyone in this, but there are crossed wires and people get judged wrongly in this fic. OFC is based on nobody I got the name from two of my cousins. The title is a total rip off of Billie jean is not my lover, I don't own that either lol

Tommy pov

Like a lot of story's theirs started with a kiss, sure they had net before that but it was the kiss that changed things made it a love story of sorts instead of just the story of two friends. Tommy wasn't a big fan of chick flicks or romantic comedies but he had an older sister, he'd seen enough to know the first kiss was always important. Lisa once told him that a first kiss shows you how the rest of the relationship will be, Tommy hopes that's not true seen as his first kiss with Adam is public, controversial and causes a homophobic backlash, that doesn't sound like a fun relationship.

After the AMA's Tommy decides that he's at least Bi curious but knowing that Adam wouldn't go for that Tommy looks for ways to confirm he is Bi sexual. He flirts with men when they go out as well as women, which goes on for months with out anyone commenting on it. He likes it but he's always enjoyed flirting so it doesn't tell him much so next he tries gay porn and not the twin sister cheerleaders stuff he's seen in the past, Tommy really likes a lot of what he finds, when ever he gets a room alone he gets his laptop out and researches in to the whole Bi thing and by research he means he watches porn and jerks off. When the porn isn't as new to him any more Tommy buys some lube and starts fingering himself while he's watching it, he thinks it should probably feel weirder than it does but he loves it.

One hotel night Adam has his spare room key and comes in with out knocking, he takes one look at Tommy on the bed three fingers up his ass and other hand on his dick and he runs out the room yelling apologies over his shoulder. After that Adam starts touching him more on and off stage, they kiss more, play more the fans love it and so does Tommy. They start making out off stage and more often than not Tommy falls asleep in Adam's bed whether their on the bus or in a hotel. One drunken night leads to hand jobs another blowjobs, Amsterdam leads to Tommy being pounded in to the mattress, the wall, the shower and the floor. A stressful show leads to Tommy getting to top Adam it doesn't happen often after that and all though Tommy love's being inside of Adam he's more than cool with bottoming more than he tops.

They don't really talk about it or what it means, They don't tell people and Adam still keeps telling the world he's straight, Tommy sort of wants the glamily to know, he doesn't like sneaking around and hiding, it makes him feel like Adam's some dirty little secret he's been hiding and he doesn't like it. No matter how many time's Adam tells people that his pretty kitty likes girls they all assume that Adam's his exception and maybe there right, he'd not been with a man before Adam, hasn't wanted another man since they started seeing each other so maybe its just Adam but he doesn't think so, the urges were probably there but he just never acted on them until Adam who was just to hard to resist.

Tommy's a little surprised that the band and dancers don't catch on and still think there just really close bordering on unusually close friends. One night after some big studio show they share a hotel room, Adam is ramped up from performing he's been hard since they were on Tommy would know Adam had been rubbing his hard on against his ass all night and the man calls him a kitty. Tommy knows he'll be getting fucked that night and he knows he is going to love it. the next morning he isn't all that shocked when they get called in for a meeting with the record company and some P.R people they were pretty damn loud the night before, someone probably heard Tommy screaming Adam's name.

"Adam we wanted you to be here as your Tommy's boss and this effects you as well." Some guy in a suit says calmly and Tommy realises that this probably isn't about the fact he and Adam have been sleeping together.

"A Young women has contacted us and she claims to be pregnant with your child Mr. Ratliff, she sent scan pictures that show her dates correspond with a show you played at three months ago as well as tickets proving she was there." The man looks at him and the friendliness he had for Adam melts away in to cold formality, Tommy feels his stomach sink and twist painfully, he was already with Adam three months ago, not fucking fan girls hell he'd never fucked a fan for this damn reason, not to mention the fact he didn't want pictures of his dick on twitter.

"What? I didn't sleep with anyone at any of our concerts. How does her having a ticket proving she was there prove anything? A lot of people were there if they all say they fucked me will you believe that's true? If they said they had banged Adam would a ticket be enough proof then" Tommy asks angrily pissed off that this stranger is judging him based on the lies of another stranger.

"Tommy calm down." Adam says putting a hand on his knee like he wouldn't be going bat shit crazy if some guy lied about being with him.

"What does she want?" Adam asks the suit.

"We asked if she wanted a settlement she seems adamant about going to the press so we need to prepare a statement." The guy shrugs like that's it, doesn't even bother to ask if this girls telling the truth or not.

"You can tell them it's a fucking lie." Tommy snaps.

"Can you prove that?" The guy asks.

"I was in my hotel room or on the bus with the rest of the band depending on what day it was. Why do I need proof, she hasn't given any not really and you believe her." Tommy couldn't believe this was happening.

"Well I'm sure people will believe you when the stories that good I'll prepare a statement saying your denying paternity of the child then." He sighs looking like something that's probably part of job is such a hardship like its not Tommy's life being messed with and lied about.

"No, not just paternity even though I'll take a damn test when she has the kid if that'll make everyone happy. I didn't sleep with her, so if the official statement doesn't deny that as well I'll do it my self." Hell Tommy would resort to Twitter if it came to it, he wasn't going to just sit there and not deny something he knew wasn't true.

"Please try and act sensibly its not just your image you'll be effecting." The prick looks at Adam and gives him this look that Tommy reads as were the hell did you find this loser. As much as Tommy hates the idea of making Adam look bad he's not going to say he slept with a girl when he didn't even if the record company and the PR people think it'll be easier.

Tommy doesn't bother trying to be heard after that its clear his opinion doesn't mean shit to these people. Adam talks, they talk and Tommy thinks about all the people he should call before this hits what ever gossip rag the girl has gone to. He can tell the glamily in person, but he'll need to call his Mom and a few friends back home like Mike. He doesn't want the people he cares about to hear this sort of shit from anyone but him.

When the meetings finally over Tommy doesn't even bother with the fake polite handshaking bullshit its clear he's a worthless piece of trash to these people, an irresponsible wannabe rockstar who can't keep his dick in his pants. There so fucking wrong but they won't listen to him, he can't change there minds so its not worth wasting his energy he has a feeling he's going to be fighting to get people to believe him enough with out trying to change the opinions of a bunch of strangers in suits.

"Tommy will you calm down, there only trying to help." Adam quickly catches up with him, those long legs making up the distance easily. He grabs Tommy's arm, makes him stop in his tracks.

"No they just care about sales and if the fans hate me how that'll get effected, they didn't even ask if I thought I had got anyone pregnant, if there was a chance, which there isn't by the way." Tommy had heard plenty of what was said back in that room and even more he'd heard what was not being said one that if the bad press effected concert and CD sales too much the record company would want Tommy gone and two Adam hadn't once defended him, hadn't chipped in that Tommy had probably been on his knees sucking Adam's cock when this girl got knocked up.

"I know you'd never be that reckless, you use protection with the girls you sleep with even if there on the pill." Adam probably isn't finished but he stops talking when Tommy pulls his arm out of his grip.

"Do you believe me or not when I say I didn't sleep with her." Tommy wants a straight answer, fuck dancing around what they want to say there not like that, never have been.

Adam opens his mouth and then closes it when his cell rings he pulls it out of his pocket and looks at the screen.

"I really have to take this, but we'll talk after, okay?" Adam asks phone already going to his ear. Its not okay but Tommy nods anyway he doesn't have it in him to get mad at Adam even though he feels like his chest is to tight because Adam doesn't believe him. Tommy was with Adam when this girl got pregnant does Adam really think he'd cheat on him with a groupie? That option fucking hurts but not as much as the next one that comes to mind, maybe Adam didn't see it as being together, maybe he though Tommy was still fucking girls and if Adam was okay with Tommy banging other people it was probably because Adam was doing the same. He hadn't even got mad about the idea of Tommy with someone else so maybe he didn't care.

Tommy is freaking the fuck out about Adam and what the hell his reaction or almost lack of any reaction to this shit means. Tommy had thought it meant something, but maybe it was just supposed to be casual, a tour thing, fuck buddies. Tommy feels stupid that he might of read something into nothing, his so called relationship with Adam has just been a progression of physical acts, no dates, no couple shit, just bestfriends having sex and apparently being faithful hadn't even been a requirement. He's so caught up in his own thoughts that at first he doesn't notice the looks he's getting as he walks on threw the bus.

When Monte calls him over to the table he goes, he has no reason not to, he doesn't even think to question why everyone is huddled around the laptop until he sees the headline of the blog Monte has open. "Looks like he really does like girls, Adam Lambert's bassist Tommy Joe Ratliff is expecting a child with Kat Joans a 22 year old student and waitress" Kat Joan's he hadn't even known her name its not familiar, there's a picture of her as well, pretty, nice curves, never seen her before. He's probably never even spoken to this girl and yet here she is claiming he's got her pregnant, he can not believe this bullshit.

"So something you need to tell us? I mean I know you like kids but you never mentioned having them or having a girlfriend." Monte raises an eyebrow at him and of course Monte knows he likes kids Tommy has been around the guys amazing little girls, he's wrapped around there little fingers. Yes he wants kids, but he wants what Monte has more a family, not necessarily Mom, Dad and kids, but he wants to be a part of a couple, to do it with somebody, maybe adopted some kids if he's with a guy long term. He's thought about kids a lot as he's got older, he never decided it would be a good idea to bang some chick and have kids that way.

"This is what the meeting was about, Some girl's saying I got her pregnant but I never touched her." Tommy says firmly and fuck does it hurt when he sees multiple looks of disbelief. These people are meant to be his fucking family, Adam's damn glamily they are all always there for each other, now they think he'd lie to them to?

"Maybe you were drunk man, sure you don't recognise her?" Isaac asks, the guys one of his bestfriends, he should know Tommy doesn't screw around, he doesn't hate one night stands but he hasn't been having them whilst on tour. Before he started fooling around with Adam the only action he had been getting came from his own hands.

"I don't do that shit, I didn't get this girl pregnant, I would remember sleeping with her." It'd be a damn site easier if he could tell them that three months ago he would have been in Adam's bed, maybe on his knees on the floor, but what ever he'd been doing it would have been with Adam. But then he'd have to explain being with a man when he's meant to be straight not to mention that with how Adam reacted early he wouldn't know what to say. If they asked him were they a couple, what they were to each other Tommy didn't have a clue what he'd say.

He gets sick of the way there all looking at him pretty fast and goes to his bunk. He can hear them clicking on stuff, reading shit on the internet about him, going quiet when there talking about him. He hates it so much for family, he thought they respected him, cared about him, now there gossiping about him like teenage girls do in bad movies about highschools were everyone's a stereotype. Tommy didn't think they would be like this, he had thought he would tell them about the girl, Kat Joans and that they would believe him, defended him. Looks like he's been misjudging people all over the damn place. He puts his headphones into block them out skips any songs that make him think of Adam, sex or any gig he's played with the people out on the bus, it doesn't leave a whole lot worth listening to.

Against his better judgement he goes on to twitter, a handful of people are blasting Kat calling her a slut who got pregnant on purpose, but even they don't seem to question her statement that they slept together. So even his supporters think he fucks fans with out giving a shit about their feelings and with out protection. Almost everyone seems to think he did it, that he slept with her and that the baby is his. Tommy doesn't reply to a single Tweet, he doesn't know what the hell to say. Figures its safer for nor to leave the fan's to the PR pricks, he does txt his Mom explaining all that he can and promising to call her and give her the full story when he has some privacy. Right now he doesn't want the band or dancers hearing him on the phone to his Mom, its an embarrassing conversation to have so he'd rather do it with out the judgmental audience.

Most nights if he goes to his bunk before everyone else is in bed Adam will come get him latter once they are. they pretended to have movie nights, act like Tommy just falls asleep there. He isn't surprised when Adam doesn't come for him that night, he might not of said much of anything but Tommy got the message loud and clear Adam thinks he's some asshole who fucks around and isn't careful enough, the bullshit about knowing Tommy uses condoms is just that bullshit, he hasn't with Adam plenty of times, there both clean after all. Hell does Adam really think Tommy would risk going bare with a girl knowing he could give something to Adam? Tommy doesn't sleep that night and not because he's got used to sharing a bed with Adam, he can't stop thinking.

The days that follow aren't any better, interviews, reporters, the band saying little publicly, mainly no comment and anything the PR team has told them to. Half of him wishes they would quiet pretending to be on his side in public, there not in private, they have all made it pretty clear they think he slept with Kat, he hears them talk about how slutty he gets when he'd been drinking they've joked about him being a cuddle whore before and worse for being touchy feely when he's dunk but they've never judged him for it before, its like suddenly they all see him in a different light and he's not the person they thought he was, well Tommy feels the same, he'd never had any of them pegged as judgmental before but he's sure as hell seeing that side to them now.

He wants to get so drunk that he forgets but knows how people will reacted he doesn't need that shit so he doesn't drink, he doesn't go out with the band or with Adam who never seems to be alone these days, the only place he doesn't avoid Tommy is on stage, but the kisses have stopped feeling real again and he knows Adam doesn't mean them. Weeks pass after the story breaks with out Adam touching him in private once. They don't need to talk for Tommy to know its over, what must have been a casual thing for Adam and what had been damn serious to him is fucking finished for no reason. Adam believes he slept with Kat so if they'd been anything more than fuck buddies in Adam's eyes he would have got mad at Tommy for cheating, he hasn't got mad he just gives Tommy the cold shoulder. Well two can play at that game so he doesn't seek Adam out or try to talk to him. he spends a lot of time alone hiding in his bunk like some misbehaving child. He's always given a single room when they get hotel nights, no more sharing, clearly no one wants to room with the scum bag who screws a girl and then denies the baby, hell Tommy would hate that guy but he damn well isn't that guy.

The private hotel room gives him a place to call his Mom she had cried disappointed in him, but Tommy thinks once he explains she mainly believes him, but she does tell him if the test comes back positive she will never forgive him for lying. She'll expect him to man up be a father, some how make up for not being there during the pregnancy, it hurts that she has some doubts. Thinks he might be lying to her as well as the whole world. Mike takes it better, mainly he doesn't believe he could get a girl as hot as Kat into bed and that if he ever did he sure as hell wouldn't forget a once in a life time occurrence, Tommy appreciates getting mocked, its the sort of shit he expects from Mike and so far its the only reaction he's correctly predicted.

Sales aren't effected enough that they ask for his job which should be a relief, but with every day that passes he hates being on tour more and more. He's always wanted to play music, still loves it, but he can't cope with the media attention or the arctic reception he gets from people who used to love him, it would be easier if he could hate them, but he still loves them, worst of all he still loves Adam. Being kissed or touched by Adam on stage is one of the cruellest tortures he can imagine, part of him wants to ask Adam to stop, surely no one wants the stage gay any more, some fans still seem to want him, but most of them believe every lie printed about him.

Its a relief when he finds himself waiting to go to an airport knowing they have a whole month off scheduled. Only Adam is needed to do interviews about songs and the future, normally Tommy would have some gigs planned with Monte but not this time. He hardly speaks to Monte and he doesn't want to perform in public anyway. He plans to spend the month hiding in his room while Mike calls him names, plays computer games with him and doesn't judge him for eating his body weight in take out each day. He almost hides when Lane appears saying she needs him.

Turns out Kat went in to labour a couple of weeks early, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl, the record company have set up a paternity test. Tommy goes and takes it confident of the results and then he goes home. A few days latter they ask him to dress for a press conference so he can address the fall out over the fact its been proven the healthy baby girl isn't his. Tommy agrees to one press release but says he won't take questions and turns down every show that wants an interview. He calls his Mom and listens to her cry, he thinks maybe a part of her wanted to have a grandchild, but Tommy knows he's not the one to give her that, Lisa will, she's in a good stable relationship, the way Tommy thinks it should be if possible when your having a kid. After he talks to his Mom Mike gets him drunk sitting on the couch, he doesn't check Twitter and he doesn't call any of the band. A part of him wants to say I told you so but everything's still fucked up beyond repair, he doesn't think gloating will make him feel any better.

He puts on makeup, a clean shirt, jeans and creepers, maybe he should wear a suit, but fuck it, its not like people are going to think any worse of him than they already do. A car picks him up and the same PR prick as before is in the car to coach him on what he should say. Tommy doesn't really listen. He feels numb when he's lead in to a room filled with journalists and sat at a table in front of them all. He's just a bassist he doesn't get why they all care so damn much.

"My names Tommy Joe and a few months ago a girl named Kat went to the press saying she was having my baby, from the very beginning I told everyone I wasn't the babies father and now a test has proved that I'm not. I know that most of you probably think I got lucky that I slept with her but it was just someone else who got her pregnant. I'll say it one more time for what its worth I never slept with Kat Joans, I never even met the girl. I don't know why she lied or what she hoped to get out of it." Tommy sighted pushing his hair back, he hatted talking in public like this he wasn't any good at it. Adam was good at interviews he would know what to say, as always thoughts of Adam were enough to have his heart breaking all over again.

"I'm really sorry that people got hurt by this, I should have been more vocal about the fact I never slept with her, one statement released on my behalf wasn't enough. I just didn't want to course any more trouble or embarrassment for the band or my family. I should have told people that I wasn't with Kat after a concert because I was with someone, I'd been with someone for months when she came out with her lie, but it ended pretty quick when they though I'd got a girl pregnant so it didn't seem right to tell people about it. I lost someone I loved because of the lies Kat Joans told and everyone believed. So I'm done talking about this, its taken enough from me and I'm done." Tommy stood up ignoring the questions that were thrown at him, he didn't bother with the PR prick and the car service they'd came in. He got a taxi and went home, Mike had seen the release by then, it had been live, he hugged Tommy and it almost made him break down and cry, he hadn't been hugged in months, Adam had stopped cuddling with him, the rest of the glamily had quiet being affectionate with him as well, the last few months it had bee like touring with strangers.

Mike makes him coffee and takes his phone off him after Tommy almost throws it at a wall after checking Twitter, so many people on his side now, including the band, they act like they believed him all along and the lie hurts almost as much ad there original disbelief. He talks a lot, rambling about how the tour was after the lie got spread and how he knows people probably still thinks he slept around, when Mike asks who he lost, who he was in love with Tommy tries to talk and that when the tears start, he has felt helpless and miserable for months faced with one girls lies being taken as the truth and everyone around him turning there backs on him, but this is the first time he has cried, at home in his apartment, at the fucking kitchen table with Mike, he knows his life must suck when Mike doesn't laugh at him for it. Mike hugs him again and makes him go to bed, he knows Tommy hasn't been sleeping well and a nap doesn't seem like a bad idea so Tommy agrees, if he sleeps he doesn't have to think or feel.

He wakes up when he hears shouting, he creeps to his bedroom door in case Mike is arguing with his latest girlfriend, that's not something he wants to walk out into.

"Its a bit late to act like you care, he thought you were so fucking great but when he needed you where were you? God you have no idea how much he's hurting. Do you know he's thinking of asking to be let out of his contract? He's pretty sure after this mess that they'll let him go. He loved his fucking job and now its like he hates it but not in the way you hate a shitty job its like the idea of being on tour with you and your damn glamily actually hurts him." Mike yells and Tommy freezes, there is only one person Mike can be talking to. Tommy slides to the floor his back against the wall beside his bedroom door, he pulls his knees up to his chest resting his chin there, he wants to disappear he almost feels like praying that Adam isn't in his apartment being yelled at by Mike he can't take this.

"I need to talk to him to explain why I distanced myself from him. Its my fault I need him to know that. The whole band are so sorry its just when he didn't fight with them no matter what they said around him they figured he was feeling guilty and that it was true. they didn't realise he was trying to keep the peace until the interview he gave. Neither did I, plus the band saw we weren't talking and though something had to of happened, Please let me talk to him I don't want him to leave." Adam sounded desperate and upset, Tommy couldn't remember the last time he'd heard emotion in Adam's voice off stage.

"What in the hell did happen? Tommy won't say shit about it and right now he's so broken I can't bare to push him." Mike sounded really pissed Tommy hadn't realised how worried his friend had been about his behaviour, but it was clear he'd been really worried it was one of the few things that lead to Mike getting really angry like this. Tommy knew he should go out there, say something but he didn't know what he would say and he was a little bit terrified of listening to what Adam had to say.

"Shit he never said anything to you? About anything on tour?" Adam asks.

"No I didn't even know he'd broken up with someone till the interview. I mean a few times when he called before the shit hit the fan I figured he'd found someone, he just sounded too fucking cheery, but he never said so I put it down to loving the job. If he was with someone he loved Tommy would never step out on them and you should damn well know that if your his friend." Mike snapped. Tommy bit his lip hard, he was so fucked he could strangle Mike for brining up what he'd stupidly admitted in the interview.

"I didn't know." Adam sounded almost embarrassed.

"Know what that he was in love? that he was with someone? I thought maybe that's why you'd gone cold of him, I figured you were jealous." Mike says simply.

"Jealous." Adam repeats.

"Yeah Tommy never says anything but I'm not stupid you act like you own his skinny ass. I don't give him shit for it because your attention seemed to make him happy fuck knows why. You don't seem like much of a friend to me. Your always with him how couldn't you know?" Mike snorts.

"He never said he was in love before and he didn't say he wanted serious, so yeah a part of me believed he slept with that girl, which was fucking stupid of me I know Tommy doesn't ever mess with the fans. I was just dealing with some shit and I let insecurities cloud my judgement." Adam sounded kind of broken himself and even after all they had been threw Tommy just wanted to go out there and make it better.

"What in the hell were you insecure about?" Mike asked.

"She was pretty, Tommy likes pretty girls. I freaked because I though maybe he could get something from a woman that I couldn't give him." Adam said softly.

"Wait a second is it you? The person he was in love with, was that you?" Mike sounded stunned, probably not so much over the fact that Tommy was in love with a man, they knew each other to well for Mike not to know he'd had thoughts before, not to mention he'd seen him dance drunkenly with men and flirt. Mike was probably more surprised that Tommy had hooked up with Adam and not told anyone.

"I thought he was just fooling around." Adam began only to be cut off by an angry Mike.

"You thought he would use you? How can you not know better than that?" Mike asked and Tommy kind of wanted to know as well.

"No I didn't mean that I know I wasn't his gay experiment, I thought he liked guys and picked me because I was safe. He wanted to be with a man and he knew I wouldn't hurt him ,but I never thought he had romantic feelings for me." Adam babbled and suddenly Tommy was on his feet, he wanted them to shut up, leave him alone, he wanted to hide away from it all.

"Can you both stop talking about me?" Tommy yelled.

"Fuck I didn't know you were awake, also please tell me I'm wrong and your not in love with a guy who thinks you bang random girls and ignores you." Mike clearly didn't give a shit about being caught talking about him.

"Mike please I don't want to talk about it." Tommy sighted.

"Well shit that's a yes then." Mike grumbled.

"Mike." Tommy groaned.

"Fine I'm going out, sort stuff out, fix things your miserable and leaving the band probably won't fix that." With that Mike grabbed a coat came over punched him in the arm hard enough to hurt a little and left still muttering curse words beneath his breath.

Tommy stood frozen he couldn't even look at Adam so he stared at his feet instead, the fact that his socks didn't match made the view more interesting, he had a feeling he was losing it, but he'd never been all that sane around Adam.

"Tommy why didn't you tell me you were in love with me?" Adam asked once the room had been to quiet for too long. Everyone said were like Tommy wasn't still in love, he'd told the world that the person had left him, he had never said he was over them and he wasn't, it hurt like hell to love Adam right now, but he did.

"Tommy." Adam said softly when he didn't get an answer and then he was right there, having moved across the room with out Tommy noticing him and he was in his space, one hand cupping his chin and making him look up, Tommy hated knowing his red rimmed eyes made it obvious he'd been crying and the dark circles gave away how little he'd been sleeping, he was so over making himself vulnerable to people, it only ever got him hurt.

"Tommy Joe please I'll explain why I was so distant if you just tell me why you didn't say anything." Adam begged cupping his jaw for a few seconds before dropping his hand, Tommy missed his touch, it had been a long time since Adam touched him anywhere but on the stage.

"I thought you knew, I thought it was obvious." Tommy admitted.

"I knew you cared about me a lot as a friend, I guess I just thought it'd be too good to be true, you loving me, you wanting me physically surprised me enough." Adam sighted.

"I would never have risked are friendship like that if I'd just wanted sex I would have got it some were else. It doesn't matter anyway you stopped talking to me, you ended what ever the hell we had." Tommy snapped he was sick of being heartbroken and being made a fool of.

"It wasn't because of the girl." Adam insisted.

"So what you just decided to end it then with out explanation for no reason?" Tommy asked.

"No, the day that Kat girl came forward I got a call about something I had done before we got together, something I couldn't lay on you when I thought things weren't serious for you, I love you I didn't want you to hate me. I freaked out and things were already messed up, I kept telling myself I'd talk to you but even thought I though I knew I was just casual to you I didn't want to hear you say it." Adam sighted heavily, they hadn't talked feelings from the beginning and on Adam's side it had clearly been because he was afraid he wouldn't like what was said and Tommy had just thought they didn't need to talk.

"Can you just spit it out Adam I'm tiered of lies and secrets and I just want to put Kat behind me. I don't want to leave the band but you know we can't keep going the way we were." Tommy shook his head Adam loved him he should be happy but Adam's tone made his stomach knot so he wasn't seeing a happily ever after here.

"I have a friend who wanted a baby so I donated sperm, we thought it hadn't worked she got her period. And then the day I find out your apparently expecting an unplanned child she calls up. Even though she'd been bleeding each month she was pregnant. Dani's having my baby, really soon and I didn't know how you'd feel about it, I mean she has a partner, he just can't have kids, but I'm going to be hands on, like worlds best uncle and you didn't sign on for that. I mean if we were together and she'd ask it would have been a joint decision and I freaked and I was a coward. I know I fucked up but please don't leave." Adam grabbed his arm almost as if he thought Tommy might run away then and there, he sounded so desperate.

"You have a kid, really have a kid on the way and no one knows, my fictional love child makes the news this is so messed up. Why would I feel badly about it if it happened before we were together? You should have told me and let me make my own decision instead you pushed me away." Tommy wasn't all that shocked helping his friend have a baby anyway he could was such an Adam thing to do and the guy would make a great dad/uncle type of person, he was loving and generous, caring and a good guy, which was a damn good start and Tommy knew from what his Mom said that everything else you didn't really learn till you actually became a parent, no one truly knew what to do before they had a kid, you learnt how to be a good parent from parenting not baby books or whatever some people seemed to think made a person suitable to being a parent.

"I'm sorry I can't apologies enough and I will tell the band why we weren't talking if you don't mind them knowing what we had together." Adam said eyes shiny with unshed tears. Tommy bit his lip he had wanted to tell the glamily months ago, when he had been with Adam, now they weren't, now they would have all seen him say he'd lost someone he loved Adam wanted to tell. He really hated this.

"Fine tell them, but do me a favour tell them I'm gone the second I get so much as a pitying look over it. Its bad enough that I was your dirty little secret but add in to that the fact you dumped me I feel pathetic enough as it is." Tommy said pulling his arm away.

"Tommy your not pathetic." Adam began stepping closer but he stopped talking and moving when Tommy held his arms up palms out begging silently with his body for space, he couldn't let Adam touch him right now.

"You were never my dirty secret. I should have asked if you wanted people to know, but I didn't I assumed instead and that was stupid." Adam sighted.

"It hurt so much, even on stage you pulled away from me. I thought you hated me over some stupid girls lies and that hurt so fucking bad, worse than any of the rest of the band turning on me." Tommy admitted.

"I hate that we hurt you, that I hurt you. Please don't leave, the band want to make things right, make it up to you, they get that you won't just forgive us all and be ready to play happy families, just give us a chance, give me a chance." Adam begged.

"When you ask me to give you a chance to you just mean be your friend again or what?" Tommy asked.

"I'll settle for your friendship if its all you can give me, its probably more than what I deserve, but if you did still have feelings for me I would love to be with you, but I have a kid on the way and I get that its a lot of baggage, I decided to have a kid you didn't. So yeah I want you, I'm in love with you but I get it I really do if you can't be with me." Adam said fiddling with his jackets zipper, he was clearly nervous and seemed as vulnerable as Tommy had been feeling.

"I ah want to try, I don't want to loose the band, the job is great and everyone used to be like a family to me. I want that again, I don't want to lose you either, I thought I had and it almost killed me, just please don't hurt me again." Tommy practically whispered the last few words but he knew Adam had heard them when the man's lip began to tremble and the tears that had been pooling in his eyes making them shine spilt over. As the first tears fell Adam came forward and pulled him into a hug, Tommy didn't pull away, he clung to the familiar tall frame trying to get as close as possible, feeling tears soak the skin of his neck were Adam was resting his head.

"For a long time I thought I couldn't have you and then I could and I could hardly believe it, I kept thinking any second you would change your mind or I'd wake up to find out it had all been a cruel dream. And then I lost you and it was my own fault and I'm so fucking sorry that I hurt you, I was so wrapped up in trying to protect my own heart that I stomped all over yours." Adam said softly his voice thick with tears.

"Its okay, we've got a second chance here babyboy we just need to not fuck it up, I don't think you get third chances with shit this big." If they broke there own or each others hearts again Tommy didn't think they would have enough pieces of their hearts left to try a third time, once had almost broken him completely, twice would shatter him beyond repair.

They were still stood there wrapped in each others arms when Mike got back, he handed Tommy his phone and told him to get dressed and stop being a hermit. He gave Adam a hard look and Tommy felt a little like his friend was trying to send a message, clearly his recent behaviour had made Mike feel like he needed to protect him, Tommy appreciated it even though he though and hoped he wouldn't be needing protecting in any way, not from Adam.

Adam took him out to dinner, encouraging him to look at his messages from the band, so many apologies and regrets his inbox was almost full, the voicemails helped more than the txts he could hear the emotion in there voices even over a phone line, they were truly sorry, it didn't make up for the past months, but it was a start, it made him feel like he could go back to the tour and face them.

Adam seemed determined to make things up to Tommy, he was sweet, romantic, hell he took Tommy home to meet his mother as his boyfriend and Tommy almost died from embarrassment. That night he told Adam to kiss him, the realness was back in his touch, the heat, a simple kiss quickly escalated, it always did with them. Which was why the morning that Dani went into labour Tommy was with Adam being spooned in the singers big ass bed. Adam looked so uncertain when he asked him to come with him, like maybe he though they didn't have the right to. There was no way Tommy wouldn't support him in this though.

The little girl Dani gave birth to had Adam's eyes, Dani encouraged them both to hold the baby, clearly not upset that Adam had brought a date. Dani's faïence didn't seem to resent Adam at all Tommy liked that, the guy was friendly, existed about being a dad and so very much in love with Dani that it almost made you want to puke. Tommy knew Adam was still worried about this being an issue but Tommy could never be mad at him for helping such a loving couple to start a family. Dani called him uncle Adam as the friends had agreed, but what shocked Tommy was when he was dubbed uncle to the little girl as well, he knew when he was holding the small but surprisingly sturdy bundle that he was going to be one of those uncles, the ones that spoilt the kid rotten. She was beautiful and she had Adam's eyes, he never could say no to those eyes.

They were photographed coming out of the hospital and rumours flew that Tommy was going to have a vasectomy to avoid any unexpected pregnancies. Instead of letting the rumours upset him he just laughed it off pointing out on twitter that seen as he was in a monogamous relationship with his boyfriend and pregnancy that occurred certainly would be unexpected. The day he posted about it Adam took him out to meet the band for a meal were he accepted hugs and apologies feeling the last damaged parts of his heart starting to mend it was also the day Twitter crashed due to all of the people Tweeting about Tommy Joe Ratliff having a boyfriend and asking if Adam knew? Those ones made Tommy smile, Adam might have not realised they were dating once, but not this time, just to be sure he got it Tommy let him pay for dinner, no point risking that Adam not be clear on the fact they were dating.


End file.
